I came out as the first Van Gujjar transwoman

From coming out as the first transwoman in the marginalised forest-dwelling Van Gujjar community to being accepted, 20-year-old Tina of Gendi Khata village in Haridwar district has faced many challenges. Read about Tina’s journey – in her own words.

I was very anxious. But excited, too. In fact, I had not slept a wink the previous night because of my excitement. It was the first time I was stepping into an aeroplane after all.  

When my flight from Dehradun landed safely in Delhi, I heaved a sigh of relief. Because some people had scared me off with statistics on the likelihood of plane crashes being more than train accidents.

But I was relaxed during my journey from Delhi to Jamshedpur in Jharkhand.

I was taking my first flight to attend another first in my life, Tata Samvaad Fellowship – two of the many firsts that brought both – sorrow and joy last year. I owe most of it to my identity.

I came out at a time when I had no clear knowledge of who I really was, as my community – like many others – only saw gender as male and female. But I’d realised I couldn’t associate with either binaries since I was a kid. 

Life has always been harsh, from being mocked as jungli (forest-dweller) and nachaniya (dancer) in school to facing sexual and mental abuse later.

Hailing from the Van Gujjar community that has lived inside forests for centuries, I didn’t even know that there were over 500 tribes in India. 

We were displaced after parts of our forests became the Rajaji National Park, and lost access to forest resources and our heritage property.

I was forced to leave home at the age of 15. I sought refuge and found acceptance among the local hijra (transgender) community.

When I was with the hijras, I met a local activist and joined his community library, Maee, to educate myself. I finally came out as a transwoman, the first Van Gujjar transwoman I should say. 

Things improved after I joined the Maee library, where I studied and also taught younger children. I love painting. While teaching children handicraft and embroidery I stumbled upon the idea of researching the subject. 

While living in forests Van Gujjar women used pearls and beads bought in lieu of milk to make caps and accessories. Their art was on the verge of extinction after relocation.

I applied for the Samvaad Fellowship with the idea of reviving traditional handicrafts. Despite making mistakes while filling out the form, I was selected. I have trained over 60 women in my village in the past year. 

Initially, many men refused to let their wives attend my workshops as they thought I was some strange creature. But the women stood up for me. 

Meanwhile, I feel my community has accepted me as a woman as I barely get disparaging comments about my ‘confused identity’ now. 

It’s enough that my community is trying to transcend beyond the gender binaries. Change, anyway, is a slow process. 

It’s also difficult to support myself financially, be it living independently or paying my school fees. But I am determined to continue to work for my community, especially women, for they truly make me feel a part of their small tribe. 

Also Read: Community classrooms sow hope among Van Gujjar children