Shunned by society for not fitting into gender norms, Shoaib Khan of Srinagar in Kashmir had to struggle to prove that one’s gender identity has no bearing on skills. She successfully landed a job and changed her identity to a woman. Retaining her male name, Shoaib Khan talks about her journey – in her own words.
When I was born, I was identified as a male child. My family named me Shoaib Khan.
Childhood is when you are carefree, when you learn new things. It’s when you make memories with your family. But my challenging journey was full of abuse and stigmatisation.
I knew I was different, but my family struggled to understand and accept my identity. The love and affection of my family – they used to dote on me when I was a kid – began to fade.
If I get to fulfil one wish, it will be to experience a different childhood.
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My family wanted me to act like a boy. I could not. I knew that I’d be subjected to harassment, abuse and isolation, and I prepared myself to fight this big challenge.
The harassment wasn’t only from my family. Throughout my school years, I endured teasing and isolation, which only fuelled my determination to work towards my success.
The one important thing I did in life is that I always played deaf and dumb when I faced negativity. I focused on anything positive.
I was excited to join the university, hopeful of acceptance since I’d be surrounded by mature people. But the reality was different. My classmates were sceptical and made hurtful comments.
It was a constant battle to prove myself, to show that my gender identity had no bearing on my abilities.
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The worst thing is, you can’t even share your problems with your family. They’d just blame you and normalise the oppression you’re subjected to. But I never gave up.
After completing my MBA, I joined an airline as a flight attendant. But the harassment followed me. When I experienced sexual abuse from my colleague, the management was supportive and terminated him.
In 2016, I joined a Bengaluru-based IT company. After the second wave of COVID-19, the company asked me to permanently work from home.
I’m happy with what I earn. After becoming financially independent, I’m doing things that I love to do.
In 2018, I underwent surgery and created my new identity.
Unlike other transgender people, I decided not to change my name. I want to convey that Shoaib Khan can be another gender.
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Amid the challenges, I found strength in my identity. My determination and commitment to achieving my goals encouraged me to excel in my career and break the barriers of stereotyping.
As I gained more visibility and respect, I have become an example for others, especially in my community.
While the scars of discrimination still linger, I’m proud of how far I’ve come. My journey wasn’t about personal success. It was about fighting societal norms and transforming perceptions. I hope my story inspires a more inclusive society.
I request the parents of transgender children to be supportive so that they don’t struggle with anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts.
I plan to work for the transgender community. I envision a Kashmir where transgender people will enjoy equal rights and work in different professions.
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Reporting and photography by Aamir Ali Bhat, a journalist and independent researcher based in Kashmir.
